I cheated.

I cheated.

I saw a man once made a whole blog dedicated to how he cheated on his wife and they are still together. Some of the things he wrote really hit me. I didn’t cheat on my husband, but I did cheat on the love of my life. I would hope he still wants to be my husband some day. I hope he talks to me again. I saw this one post (I don’t remember where or I would link it) of a girl talking about she thought monogamy was impossible. One day she worked out her issues with her self and those problems went away. Monogamy is possible once you start looking at your own identity, self worth needs.

There are no excuses for cheating of course. When it happened I was in another country and I cheated with men who started out as being friends. I was vulnerable and I wanted to have friends. I didn’t have a lot and I didn’t speak the same language. I had a history of cheating and I didn’t think I could do it again, until I did. They threatened to not be my friends if I didn’t do something with them. Eventually I snapped out of and realized that it is better to be alone than be brought down by toxic persons, especially when you already have someone so special and healing in your life. I live with that guilt now. If you are on the fence I just recommend jerking off and calling it a day because it is not worth the pain it causes you. If you already have then read on and know I feel your pain. I swore I would never do it again over and over, but this time I mean it because there was no witnesses and no one to stop me. I stopped myself and I started on this personal development journey I have been writing about. I have really been growing as a person. I have many motivations, God, the man who I love with all my heart and soul, my friends and family who want me to have higher self worth. The journey has a long way to go. I really hope this man takes me back. Until then I will write about my experience. I will write to strangers because my friends are tired of hearing my tears and wishing I could just talk to this man. I will write about for anyone else struggling. I will write about it because the one person who I want to talk to is on his own healing journey and I cannot talk to him.

Cheaters can change and also we can break any addiction or problem with our self esteem, body and so on, but it takes a lot of time and growing. I hope you will follow me on my journey.

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