Are you a person who cries really easily? Maybe you are happy easily, and sad easily… and there is no inbetween… Maybe you are a person who claims not to feel or claims to have trouble with connection to your emotions, or to others by default. Emotional intelligence is something employers want, something important,and I want you to have it to because it is great!!
I rarely go a day without going through a feeling reflection, a rose bud thorn, or some type of “what was I feeling” activity.
My favorite moments are when I get together with friends and have a group cry.
I won’t pretend like I came up with the idea in fact many peer wordpress bloggers/users also discuss this topic of feelings in particular about emotional intelligence.
Writer Christa Sterling from CCSU says this:”
“Emotionally intelligent workers are resilient; they can make adjustments when things don’t work out the way they expect. They can overcome irritations and people generally respect them and seek to emulate them. In time, emotionally intelligent people can often pass their traits and skills on to others, which can benefit the entire organization.”
And other writers such as Dr. Izzy Justice says this on her blog on professional development:
She describes how a happy hour can actually become a literal happy hour… where you spend one hour doing something that makes you happy and actively thinking about happiness. Other authors have echoed her sentiment claiming that if you wake up thinking I am going to be happy you really can be. Instead of focusing on the outside factors a tough project at work, a petty coworker, the old man who is yelling at you at the bus stop… you can focus internally on your body and get in touch with these emotions… and not just HAPPY… all of them.
For example, how many of you spend a decent amount of time thinking about feelings, emotions, and senses of the body.
Are you discussing it with a friend, a family member, a partner?
Now back to rose bud thorn…
It is an old ice breaker where you say one
bud (something you are looking forward to)
thorn ( something tough about the day week etc.)
These little old party tricks can really be a good starting block for feeling. If RBT is too extreme for you…
start by thinking about why you think feelings are SO TABOO?
From a sociological standpoint… maybe you identify with the male gender and are taught masculinity to believe feelings are feminine. Perhaps your family is not a sharing type of family, and kept things inside… but feelings are tough/masculine! I promise…
Arlie Hochschild coins the term emotional labor in her writings. For example, take a flight attendant she/he often have to wear a smile even when they do not want to. Being happy is a part of the job. 1. Maybe they are truly happy all the time or maybe they are putting a lot of work into it. So I guess happiness is not easy.
It takes even more muscles to frown and 2. expressing your sadness is even tough.
Imagine this conversation at the office:
“Hey Joe how are you?
My mother has cancer.
I am so sorry.”
Joe probably will not share that with everyone who dare ask the elusive “how are you.” but it is good for him to have someone to share. There are tough conversations happening all the time and you may need to take part in one. You need to be in touch with all of your emotions… in order to be better equipped to be a good friend, spouse, etc.
3. Emotions can be socialized into us so it is important to figure out what is pushing on us in society to feel one way.
Sociologist Eduardo Bericat says this:
“Primary emotions are considered to be universal, physiological, of evolutionary relevance and biologically and neurologically innate, while secondary emotions, which can be a result of a combination of primary emotions, are socially and culturally conditioned. According to Kemper (1987), the primary emotions are fear, anger, depression and satis-faction, while Turner (1999: 145) identifies them as satisfaction–happiness, aversion–fear, assertion–anger, disappointment–sadness and startlement–surprise. Emotions such as guilt, shame, love, resentment, disappointment and nostalgia are considered to be secondary emotions.”
Do you agree that there are secondary and primary emotions?
Why do we feel guilty about certain things? Say you are enjoying a chocolate bar… your body says you are happy but someone makes a comment and makes you feel shame, guilt etc. Is it because of you or because of our unhealthy relationship with eating as a global society?
They are fundamentally important sociological phenomenons and are consciously and unconsciously present in every aspect of life… whether you ignore them or not. They are a part of economics, criminal justice, entertainment, medicine, and so much more. It is important to be very in tune with how you are feeling. AND to take feeling very seriously.
To develop yourself further you need to start with your everyday emotions. Changing your emotions and your feelings and practicing cognizant feeling will help you become a more nuanced individual.